I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
