wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
