Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
