there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
