I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
