If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
