Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
