god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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