I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
