I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
