I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
