you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
