Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
