i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
