I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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