They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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