I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
