when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
