I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
