you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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