i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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