Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
