had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
