I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
