my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
