to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
