I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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