Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
