I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
