I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
