hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
