put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
