She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
