There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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