I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
