I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
