so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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