I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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