it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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