put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
