the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
