Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
