my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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