God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
