i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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