it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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