you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
