Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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