I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
