his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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