My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
